Last week, our church sang the old hymn, "Jesus Paid it All." I've sung it dozens of times in my life, but this time a single word jumped out at me and made my heart catch its breath. The verse went like this, And when, before the throne, I stand in Him complete, "Jesus died my soul to save," my lips shall still repeat.
Holy Spirit blew over me and my heart heard Him say, "One day, you'll be complete. You hurt immensely today, but remember, you'll step into My completeness one day." It was more than I could handle at that moment and the tears streamed. Complete.
Most days I feel very, very incomplete. Between wishing I had more time to spend in the Word, wishing I'd been able to connect more deeply with a client who was hurting recently, and wishing that the 40 pounds I gained in the last few years would instantaneously melt off my body, I feel exceedingly incomplete.
You see, I've lived my life under the pressure to perform. The pressure to make myself be someone acceptable, likeable....loveable. And I'm tired. I'm worn out. I don't have the strength to carry on in an existence that always screams for more of me.
I fully recognize that I've been given all things for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3), and that Jesus died that I might have ABUNDANT life (John 10:10b), and that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1), but I am painfully aware that I will never be complete this side of Heaven and that no matter how many times I repeat those verses to myself, I still have days when I struggle. The reminder that I WILL be complete on the other side of Heaven is a joyous, glorious, nearly unfathomable thought!
Friends, no more worrying about our parenting, our performance at our jobs, our unsatisfying marriages, or our lack of discipline about money or food or whatever! No more proving yourself to be something satisfying to others! No more crushing disappointment at being rejected. No more.
And on those days when my sin feels like it might just overcome me, and my soul is bruised and worn, I will revel in the reminder that some day, some day, these trials will be wiped from my memory, to be replaced with love, pure joy, and completion.
So if you're also feeling that faintness of heart that causes you to grow weary, remember that it won't always be like this. One day, you'll be loved the way you always wanted to be, and it won't be due to the fact that you did something right or didn't do something wrong. And one day, you'll be accepted no matter where you go, who you see, or what you do, because you'll be complete - lacking in nothing. Can you imagine what it might feel like to lack nothing? I can't either.
But it's coming, sweet soul, it's coming. And I'm clinging to those words because nothing on earth can satisfy like He can. No performance, no reward, no trying harder, will get you what you really want. It sure hasn't for me. Let's be honest.
"Come, Lord Jesus."